My Daily Vent: Why Marriage in Indonesia is Painful

Gong Xi. 

Do you know that the Lunar New Year is a national holiday in Indonesia? Well, i think that this fact alone sums up about how Indonesian embrace the diversity. Although the truth behind the past is indeed bitter, but let's not go that way. 

So, i spent my Lunar Year holiday to visit two of my friends wedding party. Both of them are my best friend, and i couldn't be happier for them. I am ecstatic. I even literally crashing the flood, only to attend their parties in time. But without any intention to disregard their feeling, i still think that: "Marriage is a pain in the ass".

Because ...

There's dowry. There's party.

Marriage requires dowry. Dowry in Indonesia is an amount of gold (in early age. Now it's just cash or anything valuable) that usually being set by the bride family. Dowry could range differently, from literally a book up to jet plane. Yes, a book. I've heard a story that apparently the bride only required her groom to hunt for certain title of book as the dowry. Lucky him? Perhaps not so much. Since although the dowry might be low, but the cost of the marriage party might be skyrocketing. 

Let me tell you: Indonesia is damn unique. It might be a country with Islam as majority religion, but the culture that the people hold is not biased on religion, but locality. The bridegroom will celebrate their wedding party in Javaness, Borneo, or any other of the family tradition. And the obligation to celebrate the wedding party usually goes to the bride family. So, was it means that the groom is released from any obligation, right? Hell no. Indonesian, especially Javaness people, tends to be reluctant. The groom usually feel that they had the obligation to donate certain amount of the party cost. Just for the etiquette. I remember one of my friend had to gather his wage for about 1 years only to donate for the party expense.

Yes, Islam might be prompting their people not to exaggerate the party. Modesty is accentuated. And i love it. But when it get pitted to the family tradition, the religion usually had to yield. Since apparently, in Indonesia, marrying one person means marrying the whole family, their neighbor, and even their neighbor acquintance who might be totally unrelated to the both family. Even some of my friend who are the heavy believer in religion fell flat to their traditional parent wishes, because of reasons.

Marriage means changing every aspects of you...

Perhaps this one was applied to general culture. I had several loudest friends who later had to change themself to be more reserve, because apparently, marriage is not equal to loud. I'd rather not to deem it right or wrong, since it is their life's choice. But the part where you have to give up your freedom, does not fit me that well. Let's just say that i'm not a marriage material yet in the near future. But maybe in the far future, i'll re-read this post and chuckle at how i could be this narrow-minded whatsoever.

Wow. I could be burn in hell for this post alone. But that's my view of marriage in Indonesia. What about your country? Here's a picture of my super beautiful friend who finally find her happiness. Let's wish her a very happy and abundant in life.